Biometrics Can Read Your Mind

[Brad Kenney]

Some strange strides are being made on the biometric front these days. An Israeli company has developed a high-tech sensor technology that can identify an individual by sensing the unique electronic signals generated by their brain waves, beating heart or breathing patterns. According to the press release from Idesia (http://www.idesia-biometrics.com/in_the_news/index.html), the Biodynamic Signature (BDS) sensor is smaller and more durable than normal fingerprint readers, not to mention more reliable and cheaper to manufacture.

Those simpler sensors have made inroads into the manufacturing plant environment, and for good reason. Magnetic cards or PINs that grant employee access to off-limits areas or files, or monitor time cards/attendance etc. are vulnerable to social engineering tricks as new as password hacking and as old as one of the oldest tricks in the book, the “buddy system” for punching factory timecards.

I’ve also read about biometric sensors that are keyed to recognize an individual’s body odor, a sensing technology (http://www.freepsychologies.com/13483.php) that has obvious flaws, as it wouldn’t work for people like me (who have none). And besides, haven’t you ever worked with someone whose “Odor ID” would surely overload such a system?

[David Blanchard]

I remember at least a decade ago (probably earlier than that), there was a story about a device that researchers had come up with that you'd stick on your head, and it could detect the difference between when you thought "yes" and when you thought "no." Kind of like a super-charged lie detector because it could "read" the brainwaves, or more precisely, it could detect the *differences* in brainwaves.

It's kind of like the joke about the talking dog -- it's amazing that it can talk at all, but does the dog have anything profound to say?

[Brad Kenney]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

"Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was just a pup. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. For years, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. Finally, I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," says the owner.

"Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a pathological liar."

[rbrooku]

Employee training:

A salesman was driving down a country road one day in Missouri when he passed a farmer plowing his field. He slowed down when he noticed the mule pulling the plow was turning around to plow another furrow and the farmer just ambled along behind not even holding the mule's reins.

"Strange", the salesman thought to himself, "I've never seen a mule work so hard without being stubborn, let alone guide himself too!"

The salesman was so curious that pulled his car up the dirt track to the farmer's house, stopped and waited for the farmer to come back from the field. After a short time the farmer came back home, with the mule walking along with no reins or halter. The salesman watched amazed as the mule walked to the barn, opened the door, walked in and picked up his feedbag, walked over to the oat bin and filled it, then wiggled his head into the bag and began to feed.

The salesman turned in amazement to the farmer, who had been standing there eyeing him suspiciously, and exclaimed, "Wow! I have never, in my life, seen a mule so cooperative! How in hell do you do that?"

The farmer spat and said, "Easy 'nuff. Just talk to him, s'all". The salesman looked puzzled and said, "What do you mean when you say, just talk to him? You mean he understands you?" The farmer said, "Sure, jus' gotta git his 'ttention first. I'll show ya, young feller."

With that, the farmer walked into the barn, looked around and found a piece of two by four, picked it up and broke it across the back of the mules head. Then he turned back to the salesman and said, "Now he's payun 'ttention, we kin talk us some together."